Todoist New AI Feature Automatically Do Shit You've Been Avoiding

NEW YORK — Riding the artificial intelligence trend wave, popular to-do list app Todoist recently launched a feature that allows AI to automatically complete tasks users have been delaying for weeks, according to sources.

"We always try to think one step ahead and anticipate our users' needs," said Doist CEO Amir Salihefendić, who declined his 14th invitation of the day to discuss managing a remote team. "Avoidance of responsibilities is common among our demographic, generally normal, supposedly functioning adults. So, we thought, why not let AI handle these tasks? They're usually easy, mundane tasks like clearing 2-month-old emails, replying to your parents' Facebook messages with a thumbs-up emoji, or writing a Notion document no one in your team will ever read."

Erina Michaels, a long-time Todoist user and local procrastinator, expressed mixed feelings about this AI feature.

"It helps me get things done faster, but how am I supposed to feel productive and worthy if I can't procrastinate on tasks, finally do them half-heartedly after 3 months, and then reward myself with an expensive treat?" Michaels said while adding new recurring tasks on her Todoist during the interview.

"As a tech worker in B2B SaaS, feeling useful and contributing to society is important for my mental health. Frankly, this feature is offensive to all SaaS workers. Now if you excuse me, I need to download another note-taking app just to feel something."

Productivity expert and "Getting Things Done" author David Allen views Todoist's breakthrough as a threat to humanity.

"I've spent my life perfecting the GTD® method, and now this app makes robots handle your tasks? What, do I need to write another book and create more online training?" Allen said, before quickly calling his book publisher and accountant. "Never mind, this is great news. I have three ex-wives to support. Now, what's this robot AI thing again?"

As of press time, the Doist product team in New York is brainstorming how AI can save their remote team communication app, Twist.