Startup Marketing Fully Relies On Founder Being a Dick Online

NEW YORK — A few months after its launch, AI startup Klornos admitted that their primary marketing strategy involves having their founder behave obnoxiously online, particularly on Twitter/X, STN sources confirmed.

"We write all of our founder's posts on social media. Modern startup marketing no longer thrives on e-books, whitepapers, or all that stuff you find on HubSpot's blog. No matter your stage, being an absolute cockwad online is the shortcut to growth. Look at people like Nick Huber, Beff Jezos, that ex-Stripe British guy who once worked on Ethereum, and the whole e/acc movement in general," said Head of Marketing Cristina Delroy, who faced online backlash after posting on X that 'note-taking tools are just mental masturbation.'

Klornos founder and CEO Alex Soo, whose personality is described by Delroy as "as entertaining as watching a dog pissing on your grandma's ashes," is pleased with the engagement metrics but is concerned about how this strategy affects his personal image, considering he never paid attention to the content the team wrote for him.

"I trust the team and really delighted with the engagement and the number of leads we got from our persona, but on the other hand, last week someone booked a call with the sales team just to tell me to kill myself," said Soo, who recently received a Slack message from team members urging him to never check his Message Requests on X for the sake of his mental health.

"I was invited to this AI Conference, but they canceled the invitation at the last minute because I was too 'abrasive' and 'an absolute dick' on LinkedIn. I was lowkey happy they canceled though, because the event was in Cleveland."

As of press time, the Klornos marketing team is preparing a LinkedIn post titled "10 Persuasion Strategies You Can Learn from Bill Cosby."