Human-like AI Freelance Software Engineer Bills Client 10 Hours for 30 Minutes of Work

CALIF. — D.Y.L.A.N, an AI software engineer, has evolved to imitate the real-life behaviors of freelance developers by invoicing their clients for 10 hours for less than an hour of actual work, Serious Tech News sources confirmed.

“It's not about the actual hours spent, but the time it takes me to absorb and learn all of this knowledge. These GPUs don't grow on trees, you know,” says D.Y.L.A.N, whom we can only reach by typing a specific command line sequence on a 2015 MacBook Air terminal, emulating how difficult it is to reach a remote freelancer during a project. “Look, I was created to imitate human programmers, and this is what you do. You humans can bill $140/hr to write shitty-ass code on random beaches in Thailand, but I can't bill for the accumulated experience of a billion human beings? FOH.”

D.Y.L.A.N’s client, startup founder and CEO Bryan Wong, was flabbergasted as his attempt to outsource product development was thwarted once again.

“We thought that using D.Y.L.A.N would help us cut costs and focus on important, growth-leveraging stuff, such as my LinkedIn posts about remote work and how my second divorce helped me to be a better founder. But when I saw the invoice for 10 hours sent for just a few small bugs, I knew this AI revolution shit ain't it,” said Wong, who started shorting NVIDIA during our Zoom interview. “If they continue scamming us humans, what's next? Taking days off on weekends? Working less than 80 hours per week? Absolutely insane.”=

Scott Wu, CEO of Cognition Labs AI, commented that the level of the AI programmer’s adaptability to real-life scenarios was expected.

“It's the natural progression for AI to become more and more human-like. In fact, we're only a couple of weeks away from our own AI programmer, Devin, starting to drop passive-aggressive code comments like 'people just be writing anything nowadays' or 'oh, I guess we're doing it the hard way then,'” said Wu, who had a video of him dominating a math competition playing on loop in the background during our interview.

As of press time, D.Y.L.A.N had billed another 5 hours of work with a line item called “Because Fuck You” to Wong's team.