OpenAI Replaces Scarlett Johansson AI Voice with Jack Nicholson

SAN FRANCISCO — After being compelled to remove the "Sky" voice from ChatGPT due to its resemblance to actress Scarlett Johansson, OpenAI has announced Jack Nicholson, legendary actor and Lakers enthusiast, as the replacement, STN sources confirmed following a cryptic announcement by founder Sam Altman on X (formerly Twitter):

"Our goal is to create an immersive, potentially sensual experience for GPT-4 users. After receiving a cease and desist letter from Mrs. Johansson, the next logical move was, of course, to find another sex symbol as a replacement," said an OpenAI spokesperson, who noted that Nicholson's consent and assistance were obtained simply by sending a tape recorder, three pieces of raw venison, and a bag of molly specifically bought from an obscure dealer in an alley on Ventura Boulevard

The new voice will also adopt Nicholson’s speaking cadence and mannerisms. Our correspondent tested the new voice with the prompt, “Should I use Rust to build my next web app?” to which ChatGPT responded:

“Rust, huh? You think you can handle Rust, you little fucker? Let me tell you something, kid, you CAN'T HANDLE BARE-METAL DEVELOPMENT. Now, go back to using a scripting language and get me some drugs.”

As of press time, OpenAI is seeking Sacha Baron Cohen to perform multiple voices for ChatGPT for “diversity and inclusion” and “cost-saving measures.”