Canva Hip-Hop Crew Shot by Rival Design SaaS Gang

LOS ANGELES — After performing at the 2024 Canva Create Conference, the Canva Marketing team's hip-hop ensemble, "Crop Cartel," narrowly escaped a drive-by shooting, with a rival Adobe gang as the prime suspect.

"We exited the stage and used the back door when we spotted a 2009 Toyota Corolla with an Adobe logo on the side. It was the fucking Photoshop Posse. We knew we were fucked," said group leader Designer Pillz, who declined to reveal his real name due to his participation in the Witness Protection Program and his desire to "leave behind his dark, bloody past. I can't talk about that."

"It’s a dog eat dog world, brother, particularly in the design SaaS industry. Ever since the Figma deal fell through, those Adobe fuckers have been causing problems. Just last week, a brand designer was suspended upside down near the Golden Gate Bridge with a lasso rope for griping about how difficult it is to cancel Creative Cloud. That's the Posse's signature move," said co-leader Crop Marley, who dodged bullets mere inches from his face and was overheard yelling, "MISSING YOUR MARGINS, HUH?" at the shooter.

As of press time, the Sketch hip-hop group can still be found sniffing glue behind the dumpsters at the Crypto.com Arena.