Andrew Huberman Caught in Relationships with Five Different Cold Plunge Tubs
Andrew Huberman's bizarre disloyalty exposed
NEW YORK — Neuroscientist and cold exposure advocate Andrew Huberman has come under fire after revelations surfaced that he has been using five different cold plunge brands simultaneously, according to sources from Serious Tech News.
"It's disgusting, and frankly, incredibly manipulative for him to dip himself in more than one tub. Are we not frigid enough for you, Andrew?" Gunnar Torkelson, spokesperson for NordicWave Cold Plunge, expressed while shivering through his teeth during a press conference. "Our reasonably priced $5,900 bathtub provided him with all those dopamine boosts, but this guy just had to go down onother brands, claiming it's for his mental health. Sunlight before screen light? More like gaslight before screen light."
Huberman downplayed the disloyalty accusations and denied allegations that he is a "cold plunge addict." "I'm not a cold plunge addict, I'm a love addict," Huberman stated, responding to all our interview questions via the email address realstanfordprofessor@huberman.com. "For me, every relationship with each tub is a meaningful journey for my brain to reach the ideal state of pleasure. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to record another podcast episode about how spanking your ass in the mirror exactly 27 times at 7.32 am while listening to white noise can boost your productivity by 3.4%."
Huberman's friend and fellow podcaster Lex Fridman defended the health influencer's actions, dismissing the cold plunge tub disloyalty story as "mainstream propaganda hit piece."
"Andrew is among the brightest, most intelligent scientists I know, and these MSM journalists are trying to bring him down. In fact, I've went down on cold plunge tubs alongside him, and let me tell you, he's a gifted man. Have you seen the picture of him shirtless? Those tubs are practically begging for him to dive in," said Fridman, who was shopping for another set of black suits and ties on Yandex.
As of press time, Huberman was spotted talking to another cold plunge tub, inquiring if it was willing to accompany him home to explore his "Huberman Protocol" up close.
